I love blogging, don’t get me wrong. But it has been incredibly difficult to keep it up this past year. In many ways 2012 was a year filled with worries, stresses, and sadnesses, none of which are conducive to writing about vintage history and taking pretty pictures for the blog. If I had been through, say, one week where I felt worried, stressed and sad, then I might have written a post about it to clear my mind and then got back on with things. But what about a whole year of worry? You all would have become bored very quickly if I’d spent twelve months writing constantly about the tumultuous and depressed states my mind has been in!
Much of the sadness has also been best kept private. In mourning those who have gone, I’ve had to really think about what I want from my life, and what is important, and whether I am even on the right track. Some days I feel like I am being pulled from all directions, while other days I don’t feel like there is any direction at all. Confusion reigns supreme.
Nice things have happened too, of course. A long time ago I decided that New Years Resolutions only ever seem to make people feel bad, and I would prefer to start each year by appreciating all the good things that have happened. This year, there were some moments of true loveliness in amongst the general miasma. I enjoyed trips to York and Paris with my vintage friends, a hen weekend with new friends in Bath, spending time with my brother in London, seeing Richard III, Singin’ in the Rain, Crazy for You, The Marriage of Figaro and Tori Amos, being nominated for a Company Magazine blog award, three weddings, a fun Jubilee party, visiting the Chislehurst caves for a friend’s birthday, a day trip on the Orient Express, dinner at my favourite French restaurant with my oldest friend, attending the Chap Olympiad, going to the War and Peace show with Lena, holidaying on the Isle of Wight with my friend and her lovely family, checking out the James Bond and 50 years of British Design exhibitions, a good friend coming to live in London, meeting Barbara Hulaniki at the Biba exhibition in Brighton, a week with Mr D sunning ourselves in Barbados, as well as lots of good books read, good movies seen, and quality time with Elsa the cat and Mr D.
Most of all, I appreciate how patient and kind and understanding my friends have been with me while I’ve been struggling this year, even though at times I must not have been much fun to be around (and at other times haven’t been around at all).
As for the worries of the past year… well these are ongoing. In addition to the big life questions I’ve been pondering, I have struggled to run Penny Dreadful Vintage all by myself in such a difficult economic climate. Running a sole business with no back-up support is a challenge for anyone even at the best of times, and my goodness, these are certainly not the best of times! I work days and nights and weekends, and my brain is constantly thinking about what needs to be done, what could be done better, what is the future of the business, what could go wrong, and what is absolutely vital to do right at that moment. There is never a moment when I can shut my brain off and simply relax. It is mentally exhausting.
This has all made me question why I am doing what I do. I love my work, but I don’t want it to be the only thing in my life that I spend any time on. And although I thought I was happy to live on a lower income in order to do what I love, I have come to realise that I miss the ‘extras’ a normal salary provides – meals out, weekends away, occasional trips home to see my family in Australia, and freedom from the constant, pressing worry of ‘will I have enough for this months rent?’.
There has been much soul-searching, and I have found it hard to keep writing the blog when I had so many questions crowding my head. Finally, though, I decided that if the business I started to give me a better quality of life has actually made it harder to spend time doing things I enjoy with friends and family, then something needs to change.
I plan to keep on running Penny Dreadful Vintage, but as a part-time business while I work a regular job. The hunt is now on for a role in social media, which would allow me to keep on doing my favourite parts of running PDV, but just for another business. If things are still quiet on the blog front for the next little while, you’ll know it is because I am knee-deep in applications! Wish me luck guys, and best wishes to all of you for a happy and healthy 2013!
1960s polka dot mod dress by Berketex
1970s green and red tartan knit jumper dress
1960s black and white check blanket dress
1970s floral print hippy smock dress by Emanuelle
The very best of luck to you Penny D.1
that should read “!”
I’ve been going through VERY similar in 2012. I wish you the very best in 2013 on all fronts!!! xo
Hi my dear-wishing you all the very best for 2013, I sincerely hope that it will be less stressful and more prosperous for you, take care xxx
I was wondering what was going on. I hope you find the perfect balance for you soon. Good luck!
I hear ya! Twenty Thirteen has good things in store. I can feel it :o)
I hope everything goes well, I know a few people who are going through a similar situation so I hope 2013 is a good year for you!
I was in the same blogging boat last year. I didn’t do anything to have anything to blog about, due to the rough pregnancy. Am hoping to blog more, and have some business ideas too as l want to spend more time at home with Violet. Whether it happens or not..
You’ve been brave to admit that PDV wasn’t what you hoped it would be and to want to move on. Best of luck – l have a good feeling about this year. x
Good luck, my dear. I’ll be thinking of you. Hope we can catch up soon. xx
I sympathise utterly – it’s no small feat trying to run your own business and a creative one at that. All the best of luck with it all and the applications. I hope you manage to get the balance you seek.
Change can be so good for the soul. Good for you for embracing it, and all the best with your new quest. Xo
Here’s to a wonderful 2013 for you. It’s funny because 2011 for me was what 2012 seems to have been for you so I would like to say hang in there because it does get better, be open to every opportunity was one of the best bits of advice I was given that and keeping positive really worked sounds cliched I know but it did. x
I’m sorry you’ve had a crummy year, and I wish you lots of luck!
All power to you in this time of change. Thinking of you.
Good luck with the job applications, and I hope 2013 is a better year for you.
I haven’t been reading or commenting for a while – it has been a bad year for us too! Sorry to hear you’ve had such a struggle through 2012. I can definitely empathise. I, too, have good feelings about 2013 though. I wish you all the very best and hope that this year brings lots of welcome opportunities and a much better balance for you. Good luck!
Here’s to a much better 2013! I have huge respect for you for setting up your own business and for deciding it’s not quite going the way you though!xxx
Well done for writing this and sorry to hear it has been hard! Wishing you much success in 2013, whatever that will bring!